Three Ways to Respond to Ambiguous Feedback
In today’s blog we’re answering one single question:
How do you respond to ambiguous feedback?
You know it...that constructive feedback that leaves you feeling bad AND with zero clue what to do with it.
It's super fun. I've gotten it (don't even get me started on the manager that told me I was too bossy and then when I asked for examples, she couldn't give me any. It was AWESOME).
And here's the thing...women are more likely to get feedback on style, which is innately more ambiguous than giving someone feedback on hard business results.
For example...have you ever been told that you need to increase your executive presence? Be more confident? That you're too direct? Emotional? Aggressive? That you need to smile more?
What do these even mean?!?
Telling someone to increase their executive presence could mean a MILLION different things! Influencing skills? Decisiveness? How you present to senior leaders? Something else entirely!?!?
So what do you do? How do you approach it so you can figure out what to do with the feedback - and preferably not sit there and stew in a cauldron of self-questioning for hours?!?
I have three suggestions for follow-up questions. Ask:
Can you please give me an example? What was the situation and what was the impact of how I showed up? (Getting to the impact is key with this one)
Can you elaborate? I don't smile enough compared to who? I'm too aggressive compared to whom? (This one can also gently point out bias if it's hidden in the feedback!)
Can you share more details about what you mean by executive presence/confidence/etc? I want to make sure I understand so that I can take action on the feedback. (You're getting more info and showing that you want to listen and develop)
I didn't make up all these questions. They came from a combination of my head and the books You Should Smile More and The Likability Trap.
Ask the questions. Figure out what the feedback really means and what you want to do with it. Some of the feedback might be incredibly helpful, and some of it might not be all that useful.
Then go for a walk or journal or talk it out with a friend - anything to release and get out of your own head. This is where the not stewing in a cauldron of self-questioning comes in 😀
Let me know if you try out any these questions! I'd love to hear how they worked for you.
Are you looking for a speaker for your organization that brings a combination of authentic connection with high ROI, practical tools and a ton of interaction and application? Check out my speaking page or email me at heather@heatherwhelpley.com for more information.